A Royal Welcome

After 24 hours on a plane you're not exactly looking your best. So imagine my shock as I wearily wheeled my luggage out into Auckland's arrivals hall only to be greeted by a hoard of paparazzi and camera crews. Even more surprising were the crowd of natives waving Union Jacks and holding banners bearing my very name. Now I had heard Kiwi's are a friendly bunch but this was ridiculous! 

But as I threw out my arms to be welcomed into this brave new world I quickly realised the red carpet had not been rolled out for me. It so transpired that we had arrived in Auckland on the very same plane as his majesty to be, Prince William. 

What an honour you might think. Far from it. Whilst young Wills was kicked back in first class receiving the royal treatment, the rest of us were cramped up in economy with our knees to our necks, eating chicken tikka masala out of our crotches. Not only that, our 'Pacific class' cabin attendants were the largest, campest men I have ever witnessed gracing the aisles. Not that I'm a homophobe. It just pains me to imagine the bevy of blonde beauties the Prince must have had at his disposal. It hardly seems fair. We share the same name, why not the same treatment? 

And I thought New Zealand was a classless society. Not on their planes!